scared..

im scared-
of losing my sisters both physically and mentally
of leaving what i call home
of leaving the only place ive ever known
of losing myself while trying to hold on to the past
of losing everyone close to me
of not successing my dreams
of not doing my best
of screwing my life up
that im too late..
too late to help gabby
too late to save tina
too late to stop brittany
i guess my reflexes arent as strong as they've been
or maybe everything that has happened this yr has worn them down
worn them down to a meer quiver or flinch
leaving me helpless... powerless to my sisters
im afraid that in two yrs i could have nothing but memories..
im afraid to leave myself alone..
afraid of what i would do..
im afraid of taking a bath or swimming
afraid i'll lose my saneness and submerge myself in the water
only to never come up again..
ive got no one to talk to...
the only one that knows ne thing is katy
i cant talk to corrine.. her life is too perfect
she couldnt hold it..
id have to start from the beginning
too much has happened to start recruiting people now
it would take me yrs to catch them up
by then theyd be that much farther behind..
i dont know what to do right now..
people dont seem to realize how much their actions
effect the people around them.
gabby doing pot and drugs
brittany smoking and drinking..
i dont know how much i can handle
before i end up right next to tina..
i dont expect you to understand me.. sometimes i wish you did but others i wish no one did and i was the only one around..
ne ways..
ive got another poem to write so.. catch ya in a few secs..
unless i lose myself on the way......