my life is a bowl full of cherries

Saturday, May 07, 2005

help me..

Dear Ben
Over the last four months I have come to the conclusion that I am in love with you. The bad part about that is I’m in love with who you used to be and I don’t know who you are anymore. I know we haven’t talked at all for about a year and there are several things you might want to know or that I would like you to know. At the sixth grade dance, you probably don’t remember, but we were supposed to dance together. During the song we should have danced through, you asked Stephanie out and I ended up crying the rest of the night in the bathroom until the last ten minutes of the dance. And I wanted to apologize for throwing a fit on the bleachers in front of you just to show you that I was pissed. At that time I didn’t know what happened. All other dances at that school I cried during the slow songs, not because of what happened or didn’t happen in sixth grade, but because you weren’t there.
In seventh grade I was suicidal and very depressed. The one night I was planning on killing myself I was at Tina’s house getting my hair cut. Tina talked me into going to the movies with her and some friends. After the movie I had no intention of changing my mind about my plans until I saw you at the movies and actually talked to you. I decided you were worth living for and hoped that we would talk again. I told everyone in the class that I hated you so I wouldn’t have to feel the pain shooting through my body just at the mere mention of your name. The first day of spring break Ashley was 15 and was driving us to Wal-Mart and then to go bowling. We never made it bowling or to Wal-Mart. We did however end up n the hospital for three hours after rolling our suburban in the ditch across from ABC.
Looking back; all my memories of 4th and 5th grade involve you. Some are good, some are bad. Such as me falling on my face after swinging on my arms in between the desks and going to far, while waiting for the bus after school. Or me throwing up right when the bell rang in the second grade room and when she made me stand in the hall for the rest of the week, just in case so she wouldn’t have to clean it up. You and spam came out in the hall to talk to me. In 4th grade you were one of my best friends.
I used to look for you in church after you moved hoping constantly that at least once Id see you. I wrote several poems mainly about how I felt about you. But then my best friend who moved to St B's last yr made me try and forget all about you because I obviously didn’t have a clue who you were anymore. I tried to forget but I honestly can’t. I’ve been trying for the past 7 yrs.
Yea 7 yrs I’ve been in love with you and I never told you. Josh Jensen said maybe it would have made a difference if I’d have told you personally that I loved you. I figured with everyone else telling you about it you already knew and were sick of it.
I don’t want you to feel bad about any of this I just wanted you to know that I really really want to be friends with you again. I want to know the guy I fell I love with 7yrs ago and who he became. I have to have closure I cant move on without knowing that an effort will be made for us to be friends. I’ve been pushing people away waiting for you hoping for you to come back. I just need to know that these last 7 yrs weren’t a waste.
I’ve obviously changed a lot. I’m a lot more ballzy than I was in the past when you knew me. I’m more outgoing and I look a lot different too. (Good thing too) I’m in honors English. I still draw; I’m getting really good at people. I still paint detailed pictures and I do oil and acrylic. Corrine and I are best friends still. I’m closer to Steven, Cody and Jason than I had been in the past if that tells you anything... Steven would probably tell you I’m annoying. .he he... but then he might not. Every year I give my friends Christmas and birthday presents. And if you would like to be friends still, please either snail mail me or you can email me at I would absolutely love to be friends still. It’s your choice, I’ll always be here: whether you need me or not. Hope your school is going great. Hope you are great. I hear you look great. .disappointed Corrine didn’t get a picture so I could put it in my scrap book. I only have your 6th grade one. Anyway I just wanted to make sure you knew everything I just told you. I would very much appreciate a letter back but no one is forcing you. Enclosed is a recent picture of me, just picture me with out the braces they are coming off next month...yay!
Hopefully I will talk to you later.
Always and Forever
Kirsten Iehl

this is the letter i have typed so far... pleaze give me feed back id like it to gt there around his birthday in june. thanx..ttyl

always and forever


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