my life is a bowl full of cherries

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

this yr at a glance has been the most challenging and the most benefitial yr of my highschool career. Before this yr i was already planning my life's grand finale. I tried to hide from my home life, and engulfed myself in movies and books so i could continue my oblivious rampage through everything going on at school, in my family, my circle of friends, my classes, and my head. I couldnt escape the past and i was struggling to look forward... i made mistakes this yr that hurt a lot then but made me stronger today... i slacked off the pst couple yrs and for the first time in my life i failed a class... needless to say i've had A's and B's since that incident. aside from failing my class ive been heartbroken, scared, embarrassed, suicidal, depressed,content, worried, and finally my life turned around and i've become, strong, happy, independent, excited, optimistically pessimistic, and couragous. ive raised my GPA,and i found myself. I finally feel like i fit with my friends. My friends' lives are taking off and i get to go along for the ride as they will be with me in mine. most people are expecting a terrible blog that will only make everyone feel bad. well im sorry to disappoint you but a month ago i was prayed over for confirmation and we recieved gifts... i requested peace, within my heart and mind and within my family... either my body coincidently made up the missing chemicals that same week or its an act of god... im hoping for the later it seems more promising than my body does at this point ive ran this rollercaoster for too long... if you woulda talked with me about my life a month and half ago you may have realized how bad off i was... but looking back now... im glad i went through everything i had to go through... im sad about the pain that was caused in the process... and the deaths that had to occur to help me realize how everything i do ripples through the world whether the people know me or not. im thankful for the friends i made this past yr and the past couple yrs.. im happy i met all of you... each of you has changed me in some way... even if ive never said a word to you...( chances are i im glad we hosted airi this yr... its nice to have someone to talk about the things that people dont ask about, things me and ashley used to talk about all the time but that she has become too busy for... these past few months ive made choices, crossed barriers, and planned out my future- im stronger yet weaker.. if i make the mistake and explode i retract my claws to lessen the blows. this past month i have learned how to face my problems with my head held high without attemopting to sleep it off or engulf my entire life in another world... i didnt do that alone.. im typing this for you because i feel a thank you is in store... its amazing to look back and see the physical and the mental changes in myself over the yrs.. and im so glad ive turned out this good.. thank you again. always and forever, kirsten