my life is a bowl full of cherries

Thursday, November 17, 2005

pleading insanity

my head keeps spinning
with a constant flow of drama
flung at eachother
all day and nighth
it gets so bad
your trust is lost
and for days
you disappear
you finally return
making false statements
to deflect your faults
you knew what you were doing
you thought you were getting away with it
not this time
you wasted our time
we wasted our tears
they got you this time
i hope your cell is cold and hard
i hope you learn this lesson
open your damn eyes!
look at the pain you caused
for you own selfish reasons
your setting a bad example for the youngest
shes following closer than we expected
you may be a lost cause
but she can still be saved
if only youd stay away
you're are ruining our plans
you're hurting ur own family
but you dont care
you only care about your wants and "needs"
you think you are the only one who does care
but that EVERYONE should
you arent the only one and we do care
you get everything just given to you and if it isnt
you take it
i cant give you my thoughts too
i want you here
but i want you gone more
if you change your seflish ways you can stay
i dont want you stealingour things
stepping on us like ur more important
ruining our plans
or separating out family
i hate you 10x more everytime you do
i think you are selfish
having you gone
is 10x less stressful then when you are here
dont try to run thoughs guilt trips
those little.. ohh poor brittany
people will look at you and think
ooohh poor Iehl family..
you mean nothing right now
i hope you learned your lesson
the HARD way
i want to watch you suffer
long and tiresome hours
just like you put us through
i love you
but i hate you soo much more
its easier to live without you!
stay away!
i disown you as my sister
and i pray to god that gabby is spared
your mistakes
you can think im wrong but...
im not!
you are!
you always have been
no one has said ne thing
they are all afrais of you
but im not anymore
you pushed me soo far
my eyes glow bright red
at the sound of your name
i hope i never have to see
your lying face again
i dont want you anymore
you think you are oh so nagical
that you can live and make it on your own
with no job, no car, and no money
stay out of my life
i never want to look
into those untruthful eyes ever again
you are no longer my family..
your branch has been cut from our family tree
please go quietly
before i plead insanity..

in case you didnt understand this it is what i meant to say to brittany since that august night...strike one..strike two.. at three im calling the vet!
by the way ashley we just scheduled my drivers test for january 26th at 2-40 but that means i actually have to drive...sniffle
ne ways..
luv ya bunches

Sunday, November 06, 2005

unpleasant flashbacks....

last night we noticed that brittany had snuck out of the house and didnt take her cell phone or the car.. we locked her out of her bedroom so she couldnt get in..hehe.. i guess she got home this morning and went to sleep in kaity's old bedroom but she wasnt there all morning cuz anne was in there early in the morning and then she went down to her office for a while and when she came back up brittany was in there sleeping.. but when anne checked at about 2-ish the blanket she used and her were gone and they havent been back since.... this morning i had to wake up at 7 to get to the high school at 8 cuz my dad had to organize this silent auction thing.. and then at like 10 i went downstairs to do play makeup.. and the time that randi gave us for the starting time was a half an hour early so we got down there and did makeup early. so we got done early too... then since i wanted to see who signed up for what times i ended up going down every hour to see who was there and then towards the last couple of groups lyon had me help instead of standing around telling the guys that they looked like drag queens..which they very much then we ordered pizza and then at 5 i went to steves pizza and ate with the percussionists..then we got back and i called you and you said you were still planning on comming but you werent sure cuz you had to work but you were going to i went into the band room with gabby weidling and katy.. and i started hanging out with my other friends and kaleigh came up to me and asked is she could see my drumsticks that i was holding cuz they werent out with the rest of the pit i let her see them and the first thing she does is pretend she is playing the drums except she was doing that on my boobs and now i guess my new nickname is bongos... i actually had to ask her if she was drunk cuz she was very odd!.. and then after waiting about an hour for the live auction to get over with we finally started to play at about 8-30 ish and after that we did senior gifts and during the very long stories that people decided to tell i accidently compared you missing this in door marching concert to mom missing everything both missed it cuz of work.. and neither of you were there tonight but just bugged me how mom used to say i'll be there and then i'd look for her and i wont see her in the crowd cuz she had to work... again...not to say you meant it you said that you were sittin at the seat of your pants and you didnt know when you were gonna get done but you were gonna try and make it.. and not like ur ne thing like mom.. but it just reminded me of that... well then after everything it was about...10_45 wehn we got to leave the school...we were sposed to go tping but it was raining and they didnt wanna risk any car accidents cuz even last time there were a couple when it was abit more light out and it was dry so..and then lots of ppl and to leave at 11-30.... the only reason we didnt get to leave the highschool til 10-45 was becuz we had to sort through all of the pit crap and we had to listen to what tyson had to say and then he gave us shirts and we were allowed to leave.. but ya.. maybe if ne thing esle happens i'll write again but as of this moment nothing seems like it will.. maybe brittany will come home.. actually im thinking realatively soon im gonna go insane.. after play is over im gonna have to ask dad if i can just stay after school everyday and do homework of sumpthing til a certain time cuz i dont wanna go home to the drama everynightfrom three til i go to bed at like..12/12 ish.. its gonna make me go insane and perty soon everything will be over and the only thing that i will be able to use as a distraction from my family's many problems is my homework which i neglect to do ne ways but this quarter i actually need to do homework cuz i have geometry, genetics, world studies,band and choir..and my job which will only be on the weekends..
ne ways..
always and forever

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

i hate this family!

so i found out on the way to my friend randi's birthday party that gabby ran away again but this time refused tocome home and my dad called the police on her.. fun huh? then on the way home for the first time tonight at like 8:30 and i realized that our name in a couple of years will be another negative conontation..
from brittany and gabby and everyone will know for good and bad things like brittany and shopko and the police here from the fight they had and gabby running ways this time and her getting so many detentions and her burning herself and wnat not and ashlye keeping her jobs unlike brittany and me keeping mine and me never getting a detention and following in ashlyes footsteps are the only saving grace that we have for the cursed Iehl.. and we wondered why we never win ne thing that we have to fill oput with out last name fold up and place in a box.. cuz our name is cursed.. and for these reasons i totally adopt every family from friends, tnhat i know of as my own.... sept for ashley.. she stays!..
by the way we still need to celebrate my birthday so lemme know when you have off and stuff.. and maybe give me a call i havent talked to u in forever..
miss you
luv ya ashwee