my life is a bowl full of cherries

Monday, January 02, 2006

too late..

before i get into this one i wanted to make sure you notice the other two entries from today below this one..

i guess im too late..
too late for you to promise me
promise me you'll always
always be here
here for me whenever
whenever i need you
need you to lift me up
up to where im supposed to have been
supposed to have been before you fell
you fell and pulled me with you
with you in this depressed world
in this depressed world i met my sisters
my sisters brittany and gabby are suffering
suffering as their choices haunt them
haunt them day and night

brittany's stealing and her friends
her friends made her choose
choose between them and her future
her future dad worries about
about if she will be able to pick up again
again and again it circles around
around and around i swear
swear my head is going to explode
explode like the teardrops
the teardrops hitting this page
this page in my life
my life is spinning out of control
control now something im lacking
im lacking control over my feelings
my feelings of which contain very strong morals
morals against smoking
smoking pot the right age or not..whatever are my sister
my sister who may have been confused
confused so you smoked
smoked your lungs
your lungs are probably as black as your heart
your heart i have yet to see
see you think of other people besides you
you need to pay attention
attention to how it effects people
people who love you
you are the only one who can make the decision
decision time is now for my sisters
my sisters brittany and gabrielle....


im scared-
of losing my sisters both physically and mentally
of leaving what i call home
of leaving the only place ive ever known
of losing myself while trying to hold on to the past
of losing everyone close to me
of not successing my dreams
of not doing my best
of screwing my life up
that im too late..
too late to help gabby
too late to save tina
too late to stop brittany
i guess my reflexes arent as strong as they've been
or maybe everything that has happened this yr has worn them down
worn them down to a meer quiver or flinch
leaving me helpless... powerless to my sisters
im afraid that in two yrs i could have nothing but memories..
im afraid to leave myself alone..
afraid of what i would do..
im afraid of taking a bath or swimming
afraid i'll lose my saneness and submerge myself in the water
only to never come up again..
ive got no one to talk to...
the only one that knows ne thing is katy
i cant talk to corrine.. her life is too perfect
she couldnt hold it..
id have to start from the beginning
too much has happened to start recruiting people now
it would take me yrs to catch them up
by then theyd be that much farther behind..
i dont know what to do right now..
people dont seem to realize how much their actions
effect the people around them.
gabby doing pot and drugs
brittany smoking and drinking..
i dont know how much i can handle
before i end up right next to tina..
i dont expect you to understand me.. sometimes i wish you did but others i wish no one did and i was the only one around..
ne ways..
ive got another poem to write so.. catch ya in a few secs..
unless i lose myself on the way......

promise me..

promise me..that you will
never shoplift
never smoke
never do drugs
never steal from you family or your friends
never become anorexic
never drink
never commit suicide
never make me choose between you and my future
never look down on me or anyone else
never judge before knowing
never make me feel insignificant
promise me...
just.. promise me
if you do this for me i will never ask for anything of you again
i promise everything above to you..