my life is a bowl full of cherries

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

stress...the enemy!

today for some odd reason i was way more stressed then normal..not to mention i was a bit more of a bitch then normal too..i was mean to even the people i make a point not to be mean too.. i was meaner to brenden then i had intended to be.. yesterday i yelled at brenden for jumping to conclusions about how i treat my friends.. he told me that im never happy, im always fighting with my friends, and that there isnt a friend i have that im nice to.. so i yelled at him saying that i wasnt going to listen to a word he says because all he ever says to me are assumptions that r always wrong ne ways.. and i walked away with him in mid-sentence...then down at band whenever he was talking to me i cut him off by talking to elissa..i know childish.. and then id leave early for my least favorite class of the day.. and then at pep band even though when dad dropped me off i was in a great mood and i was singin and everything and then when i got down there i got really upset because of the stupid people that decided to use the doors that the office had pointed out, stuck note on, and made announcements about, so we didnt use them.. and people were still using them and it REALLY made me mad..not a very good reason...and then i was talking to caitlin by my locker and i was telling her that i wasnt in a very good mood and i didnt know why.. i was just really really stressed out.. and i looked over and brenden was pointing to me and saying hi over and over again so i yelled at him and said that he picked a really bad night to do that cuz i was in a very stressed mood and i walked away.. and as i was walking away he called after me and said he ony wanted to say "hi" so then during pep band 10 mins later i felt really really bad about yelling at him tonight so i waited for elissa to come to pep band and i sat with her nec=xt to brenden so i could apologize to him.. later me and brenden were talking and randomly i brought up sumpthing he always teased me about last yr which was me being mean to my instrument and he told me that i shouldnt bring it up again cuz that was last yr and it was over and done with.. and i said 'ok.. well maybe we should talk about two days ago' and he said.. 'what two days ago' meaning he didnt wanna talk about it ever again..and just now thinking about it maybe i wasnt the only one that felt bad after the conversation yesterday ways... as you can see i had absolutely nothing to talk about and i wouldnt be surprised if you didnt catch a word i said.. but ya.. ttyl ash.. bye
luv ya bunches

Saturday, December 10, 2005


this week i have been uberly focused on getting everything i have that remindes me of ben together so i can burn it.. thats right burning the stuff ive kept over the last seven yrs.. i figured this way i would have to stop going back and forth between loving him and having to get over him. well.. ok so that was planned..well something else that i have been planning was this kitty and kirsten night out which we did last night.. it was only going to be me and her but then i decided that we could invite tristan as kinda a spurr the moment thing so i suggested it and left it to her to decide and she told him he could come.. and then her mom was driving us and her step-dad was going to meet her mom there and they were going to go to a seperate movie.. i didnt think twice about inviting randi fearing that she would actually say yes so i didnt suggest it to kitty.. so we were in line for tickets to narnia at the carmike theatre and when i was up next to buy my tickets i looked over and ben was stading at the next booth with his girlfriend..i gave myself just enough time to point out to katy that HE was ben before i bolted back into the lobby with my back turned away just in case ben recognised me.. i didnt want him to see me crying ..after the movie we went out to eat at TGI Fridays and we saw the guard girls there.. my first reaction was holy crap! now randi is gonna flip!.. and go figure when i went into the bathrooms to call dad while waiting for our food, both randi and lizard were in there and as soon as i walked in everything was quiet.. they didnt say one word to me at all.. the only time i got a reaction out of eaither of them was when i asked if it was me that she was mad at and they both shook their heads no so i lknew for sure that it was katy and tristan even though all of this thing was my idea minus the going out to eat part. if tristan wasnt there there wouldnt have been ne problem witn randi at all cuz it would have been just me and her like it had been before highschool..
so after eating, tristan, katy, and I went back to katy's house where we sat on the floor for two hours lauging hysterically mainly after smartass remarks were made one after another.. we were on a roll until tristan had to leave at 12.. katy walked him out to his car and when she came back it she said "randi texted tristan"...saying.."consider our friendship done"..and she walked into their mudroom and brought her cell phone out to read the one she got, which said.. "forget our friendship".. me and katy probably talked about this topic for about an hour when we went down stairs and talked about it again til 3 im the morning..when we were eating breakfast 7 hours later i asked if maybe she believed in fait., like it was fait to see ben everytime i tried to forget about him or like in 7th grade where i had other plans for that night.. a plan to end all plans until i saw him at the rf theatre and then the next time i saw him was two months ago at the mall of america theatre and then last night at the carmike theatre.. i was joking with katy saying i need to stop going to movies.. the only place i havent seen him at is the hudson cinema 9..i just got to wondering though.. me and katy were planning on going to the 7'o clock movie but she called me at 3 and asked if we could go to the 5 o clock movie.. so if not fait.. just chance.. i just happened to see ben the last three times at three different movie theatres whenever i planned to forget or to end everything.. i dont think so.. i think this is god's way of having a little fun in my life.. he be like..well lets see..i will make up for her having 1 more evil sister then good sister by two great best friends.. and since that will be equal i can have my fun and play with the balances.. not saying he is bad just saying everyone needs to have fun once in a while.. and it was quite humurous to think about once i had stopped crying and had totally lost myself in the movie especially when the older brother threw a really hard ball at his brothers leg and then pretended it was an accident.. Hlarious! i loved it.. by the way i highly recommend narnia.. it was a really good movie.. ne ways maybe i'll let you into my stressful life some other day but i do want to say.. that brittany brought up to dad that gabby might smoke.. dad thinks brittany was just deflecting but im not so sure i can believe just that considering gabby's friends and the fact that she was talking about how the different brands of ciggeretts dont taste the same.. funny huh?.. not!
ttyl bye ash
i low you